49 Wednesdays

A Woman with Purpose - On Purpose

Someone once told me that I was a great example of a Titus 2 woman. I remember thinking that I was a fraud. How could someone see that in me when I couldn't see it in myself? I always read Titus 2 and saw how far away I was from being that woman. I was just accidentally falling into some of those characteristics and people saw that. Then panic and doubt set in. Was I playing a part that people were buying? 

One of the most important lessons I learned as a photographer was perspective. I realized I was viewing myself from a place of fear. Others were seeing parts of me that I wasn't looking at because I was so focused on where I was failing. I began to read Titus 2 from a new perspective. There were both strengths and weaknesses. 

I have purpose and I need to be purposeful about it. So, my challenge today is to work on one of my weaknesses from Titus 2. Keeping the home is a huge weakness for me. It is something that I just didn't do because I was bad at it. The reality is I was bad at it because I didn't do it. Something to do with that whole practice makes perfect lesson that I hated hearing about as a young lass. I was just hiding behind excuses to avoid it. This is my year of no excuses though - so I have to confront that weakness head on. This is something I am going to overcome. Keeping the home is going to go on my strengths list. I have purposed in my heart to do it. Why? Because it is all part of me fulfilling my purpose. 

I can finally see myself as a Titus 2 woman. Not because I have perfected it, but because I am in the journey of it. I am growing in it. I see where I am excelling at it and not just where I fall short. 

My challenge to you today is to look at yourself from another perspective. You might be surprised at who you find.

Love and Blessings!

Bri

48 Tuesdays

Confessions of a Bad Mom...

Sometimes I forget to check school folders. Dinner isn't always on time. I don't have a craft hour with my children. Here is my confession.....I. am. a. bad. mom.

Whew. I said it. It's out there. I used to beat myself over the head (figuratively) with guilt over not being the perfect mother. The social standard of motherhood that I did not meet. The looks from others when it became clear that my children were not the center of my world. (insert Gasp here - I know you want to)

There are days that my daughter goes to school with her hair in a messy bun because I couldn't find the brush and we need to hide the evidence. I've forgotten to send the promised cupcakes to school. Not every television show my kids watch is educational. I don't always tuck them in and read a story at night. Sometimes, I let them eat dessert first. I don't lie to my kids...ever....not even about Santa Claus. My kids know that they can ask me anything and I will answer them honestly. My kids are allowed to drink soda whenever they want (99% of the time they still choose water). My kids watch my husband and I disagree and make-up. My kids know about sex and that their parents have lots of it. 

Is their childhood perfect? No. Do my kids know they are loved? Yes. Do my kids get to see me as more than just a "mom"? Yes. I am an example of a woman to them. Not just a mom. Have I seen good fruit from the way I parent? Absolutely. I am quite proud of my children. Now, I don't pretend or believe that they are perfect. And having a son in the midst of puberty is enough to make me want to pull my hair out some days. My kids are, however, themselves. And growing into themselves. And they are good kids. I hear about it from people all the time (usually with a look of shock that they can't believe it because of their upbringing). 

We pray together, every morning before we leave the house. I pray over my children throughout the day and they know that. I tell them how and why they are special every day. I apologize to them when I am wrong and they do the same. I don't just tell them what is important, I show them. We have dance-offs and sing-offs in the kitchen. 

I'm a bad mom. I don't bake cookies. I'm not June Cleaver. I don't want to spend every waking moment with my children. I'm a bad mom. And that's okay. Because my children think I'm pretty great. And they are turning out pretty great. So, maybe I'm not a bad mom after all. For my kids, I'm the right mom.  

My challenge for you today is to look at whatever you beat yourself up about, and turn it around. Really look at what you're doing (without distorted lenses). Ask yourself a few questions - Is what you are doing harmful? If yes, then stop it. Is what you are doing encouraging and uplifting? If yes, keep going girl, you're doing great! Don't be run by opinions of others. Always be guided by truth and love.

Love and Blessings!

Bri

48 Mondays

Re-Evaluate...

There are 48 Mondays left in 2014. The month of January is almost gone. My challenge today is to re-evaluate. Check and see where I am at. Am I moving forward in all areas? Am I progressing or regressing?

I realize that I am not moving quickly enough in certain areas. There are still some weaknesses that I need to address. So, I am adjusting my action steps to continue to move forward. It is so important to not only see the vision, the big picture, the goal, but also the steps along the way.

I've also been able to see how far I have come in just a few weeks. That is important as well. It helps propel me forward when I find myself holding back a little.

Take today and look at your year so far. Your life. Are you where you thought you would be? Are you headed toward where you want to be? Are you moving forward or standing still? Are you going in the right direction? What is the big picture? Define it. What are the action steps you are taking to get there? What have you accomplished so far this month?

Keep moving forward!

Love and Blessings!!
Bri

49 Fridays

Keep the Faith

I am writing Friday's blog post on a Saturday. Friday was my son's birthday and he was home all day. He is growing up so much and, I admit, I have been a bit teary eyed this week.


Thursday, we were dealt quite a blow to our family. The blow is always fast, but what lingers is the fallout after. The fallout can be distracting. The fallout can cause focus to shift. The fallout can induce panic. The fallout can change relationships. My son always talks about how faith is like a rope. The fallout can cause you to drop the rope.

When something happens, I go through, what I call, my cycle of emotions. I pull the "I'm a woman" card. I run through this cycle of emotions so that I can set my feelings aside and look at the situation. This is how I am not swayed by feelings when dealing with something or making a decision. So, Thursday night, I went through my cycle of emotions. Then we went to bed.

Friday morning, I saw that my husband was struggling with the fallout. I knew that I had to grip the rope a little tighter for awhile. It is one of the amazing and wonderful aspects of our marriage I am most thankful for. There are times when he needs to hold it tighter for me. In different times and situations, one of us is stronger than the other, so the other can regroup. What is so great is that we can sense which one of us that needs to be. During my cycle of emotions, my husband is the strong one. Even though we are both dealing with the same situation, he rises to it and holds it together. Then there are times when I see that I have to rise up for him. It would be so easy to just rely on my husband all of the time. Let him carry it all. Let him pull on the rope alone. But even Moses needed help to hold his arms up.

So, my challenge to myself yesterday was to keep the faith. I needed to hold the rope tighter. One of the things I did was contact three dear friends who are faith warriors. We needed their prayers and encouragement. So blessed to have them in our lives.

My challenge to you is to find those people who help hold you up when your arms are weary from carrying your load and burdens. Keep the faith.

Love and Blessings!
Bri

49 Thursdays

No more excuses...

I used to be thin. Then I became fat.  Now, I am getting healthy.  There were endless excuses for my weight gain. I developed a heart problem while pregnant with my youngest daughter. I was depressed. I liked food. I couldn't help it. I tried to justify it away instead of dealing with the problem.

The problem was that I was fat and I had made myself that way. Not just fat, but unhealthy. I was destroying my body. Gluttony was my sin of choice. Why?

I was thin when I met my husband and had been for years. So, what happened? A couple of months before we were married, some relatives (who were not keen on the marriage) told me that I would be just like my mother and cheat on my husband. They planted fear inside of me. And I fed it. I changed the way I dressed and acted. And the added weight was like a barrier between me and other men. Did I have any reason to believe I would cheat? No. Was I afraid that I would? Yes. And the only reason was because I believed what someone else said about me. So I just kept adding to the weight that I viewed as my shield.

When I got sick, I realized what I was doing to my body and that I had to change it. Even more importantly, I realized I had the power to change it. I was faced with a choice. I could choose my family, my life and happiness or I could choose this sin that was killing me.

As I began losing the weight, I remember a moment of panic where I asked myself, "What if I cheat?". My husband thought the idea was absurd. He knew I would never cheat. And I knew I would never cheat. All of that over someone else's words. People who never really knew me at all. And I spiraled into years of sin and self harm because of it. Underneath all of those excuses, the truth was that I was punishing myself. Punishing myself for not being the idea of perfection.

My challenge to you today is to make that choice. What is that sin that you excuse and justify? What is it that you use to be numb, to avoid, to seemingly protect, to hide, to punish yourself? I pray that you choose life. I pray that you choose to stop punishing yourself. No more excuses. Excuses run out.

Love and Blessings!
Bri

50 Wednesdays

Be Fearless....

Someone stopped me the other day and told me that I was fearless. Truthfully, I was surprised by that. I don't consider myself to be fearless. Maybe that is because it is so easy for me to acknowledge my fears. Being fearless is something that I always aspire to be. So, hearing that someone thought that I was fearless...well, it prompted me to reexamine how I see myself.

Compared to my former self, yeah, I am pretty fearless. Before, I never would have even entertained the idea of speaking in front of large groups of people. And now, here I am, speaking in front of women. Traveling was also something that I tried to avoid. That too has changed.

I have realized that being fearless isn't a goal to be achieved. A crowning moment of glory. A level to be reached. Being fearless is a journey. One that moves forward. Step by step. Fearing less and less. When you fear less, you live more. You reach higher. You attain greater. You love richer. You feel deeper. You experience more than you could imagine before. All because you let go of a little bit of fear and stepped out. Just like letting go of the edge of the pool, little by little, until you are swimming in the deep end. Remember that feeling? The feeling that anything is possible? You can't see the possibilities while holding on to the edge of the pool. It is in the deep end that you can see the infinite possibilities. It is in the deep end that you aren't blinded by fear.

My challenge today is to step out and do something I have been afraid to do. That is my challenge to you. Ride that roller coaster. Audition for that play. Talk to that person. Apply for that dream job. Follow your dream. Go back to school. Jump into the deep end and be fearless!

Love and Blessings!
Bri

49 Tuesdays

Stop trying to squeeze into the mold.....

Last year, I was a bit out of sorts. I was feeling lost and without direction. Trying to find my way. I found myself without an identity. I had just come out of a situation where I had spent years trying to fit into a mold. A mold of  "excellence". A mold of set expectations. A mold that I did not fit in. A mold that I wasn't made to fit in.

Years of not asking questions because to ask questions would show that there was something wrong with me. Defective. Broken. Worthless. So I squeezed. And I squeezed. And I was miserable. Hurting. Hiding. Hiding me. After all, there was clearly something wrong with me because I didn't fit that mold. I couldn't meet that standard of excellence that I was told to reach. Each time I tried, and failed, I fell deeper and deeper into a pit of self-hate and despair. What was wrong with me? Why wasn't I good enough?

And then....I was released from the mold. Catapulted out. I was sent flying through the air without a net. Not knowing where I would land. I landed hard. Frightened and unsure of who I was and who I was created to be. I was suddenly thrust in a world without molds. Required to find my own way. So I hid. I hid within myself. A bubble seemed to burst inside of me. Ideas, dreams, desires, hopes, values...just came flowing out of me. It was a whirlwind. Chaos. I had to sort through them all. What was good? What to keep? What to purge out? What were truly my likes and dislikes? I didn't even know.

Overwhelmed by it all, I did the only thing I could.....I looked up and surrendered it all over to God. I needed His help. I asked Him the questions because I knew He had the right answers. He is molding me with His hands now. I don't have to try and fit into a manufactured mold that is man made. There is a quote that stood out to me: "Do not make excellence an idol, and be not idle waiting for perfection". That really struck my heart. While trying to fit in that mold, I was caught in limbo. Unable to move. Unable to be effective.

And now? Now, I am free. I am going forward. I have confidence in who I am because I get to be who I am in Him. Now, I am effective for the kingdom. No more molds that I don't fit. The Sculptor who created me molds me and makes me after His will. I am changing, growing, taking shape.

I want to be clear, I am not talking about essentials. The commonality of Christianity. Jesus Christ is the only source of salvation. I am unwavering in this. What I have been sharing about involves the things we have liberty in. Christians are the body of Christ. We all have a different purpose. I couldn't try and fit into the mold of the hand when I am part of the foot. It makes the body walk funny. Then the body isn't effective. I want to be effective.

So, my challenge to you is to break out of that mold you are trying to fit in. No matter what it is. There are different types of molds. I've broken them all. Is it some expected idea of motherhood and the "type" of mother you should be? You were created to be you. Not someone else. And you can only be the best you when you stop trying to be someone else and find out who you were created to be. And the only way to do that is to ask the Creator.

Love and Blessings!
Bri