Mother...

The first thing I think of when I see the word "Mother" is the Danzig song by the same name. I know what you're thinking, "Danzig?".  Teenage hormones, crush on the older high school guy who liked them.....I became a fan....until I moved on....... Don't judge me.

Bizarre right? Even though I would like to believe otherwise, it is probably bizarre. Just like the sound of my husband's "rooster" alarm in the morning immediately begins the Alice In Chains song of the same name, playing in my head. (Same hormones, different crush)

So what memories, songs, thoughts, meanings does the phrase, "Mother's Day", evoke within me?

A puzzle. A giant floor puzzle actually. I feel the eye rolls.

I have had a love/hate relationship with Mother's Day forever. I had my mom for the first few years of my life as a mom and then she left us. I had my grandmother but it was not the same. I loved my grandma (still do), but I could never quite move past the hurt of my mom leaving. I didn't have a mom. She was still alive, but she chose not to be my mom. And Mother's Day was a constant reminder of that fact.

I still struggled with the horrible Hallmark holiday even after having my own children. My husband's mother passed away several years before we married and he also hated the holiday (actually, he hated all holidays). He hated Mother's day because of the loving woman and relationship that he missed. I was so jealous of that. I had nothing to look back on and miss because I was missing what I never had.

Over the years, I have grown up. I began to find new ways of seeing things. I learned the art of perception and angles. Over time, I stood up and took a few steps back. That is when I saw the puzzle. And I realized I had been focusing on a missing piece instead of the beauty of the entire puzzle. There were so many other pieces that I took for granted. To mother means to raise up with care and affection. There are so many women who have done that for me. Even my mother in her own way. It may have been in pieces, but it was still a part of my puzzle.

My puzzle is far from complete. It gets added to daily. I am a mother after all. But, I can look back now with fondness at the first part of my puzzle. I can see the image clearly. And the missing piece? It no longer brings pain and anguish. Because the whole of it is a thing of beauty. Each "mother" in my life that left a mark and provided a piece to the puzzle. I am so thankful for them. The missing piece is not ugly to me now. It is part of what makes my puzzle, my life, my memories, my character, me....unique.

Happy Mother's Day!

Love and Blessings!
Bri