Better Late than Never...

38 Mondays

Last Tuesday, my challenge was to blog for seven straight days.

Today is my first day back on the blog since then.

Last week, I was so sick that my entire focus was one of survival, not living.

So...today is day one of my seven day challenge. I am a different woman than I was a week ago. There were many lows last week. There was also fever. There were also some highs. More lows than highs, but that is how I got my breakthrough.

I was mean to my husband. Actually, mean is too nice of a word. I was vicious. I was hurting and I struck out at him. There I was, on this path of breakthrough and discovery, and I was fighting it....lashing out. So close to the answers to my questions and I was gripping to a life unlived like a rope of salvation. Afraid of the answers. More afraid of the answers than the questions had ever made me.

My husband loves me and I have never wavered in this truth. Ever. Until last week. And it wasn't so much that I doubted that he loved me as I was suddenly unsure of how much he could handle. Of what I was throwing at him. I had to come clean about things that I didn't even realize were destroying our marriage. Because I was only seeing how things were affecting me. 

Saturday night, while everyone else was sleeping, I sat in my bed and I cried. And I prayed. And I asked. And I got the answers. Because I was finally ready to get them. I had been asking God over and over what my purpose is. My real, God given purpose. What I was created for. This has been the essence of my blog, finding my purpose. And I have been discovering and growing and learning...and that is great and important. But there was always something just out of my line of vision. There was something missing and it was frustrating. The last couple of weeks have been a culmination of things that have been preparing my heart to receive. Only in my complete brokenness was I finally open to seeing and hearing my true, primary purpose.

It wasn't what I expected. It wasn't what I ever thought. And when I heard it, my initial response was, "Really?".  I'm called to the very thing that frightens me. What I am so terrible at. What I have avoided. And then I find out that it's my purpose.

I woke up Sunday, still reeling from the night before. Head to church, and the message is confirmation of everything God showed me on Saturday night. Every word drove my purpose deeper and deeper into my heart. 

Today is my first day of Being in My Purpose. It feels scary but more importantly, it feels right.

Love and Blessings!

Bri