Friday, February 21, 2014

45 Fridays

Only the Lonely...

My husband asked me why I didn't blog on Wednesday and Thursday. I became a bit snippy with him. I told him that writing isn't so easy. I don't always have something to say. Then I stormed out of the room.

Deep breath.

Here I am ....blogging. Immediately after the scene above. And what am I going to write about? Maybe I should try the truth about where I have been, in my head and heart for the last few days.

I have been lonely. The things that I share may not seem like a big deal, but they are to me. It actually takes a lot out of me. I can feel drained after. Putting myself out there without much, if any sometimes, feedback. Sometimes I feel lonely. And messed up. I begin my "What if's". What if people think that I am completely crazy? What if I am the only one who goes through all of this? What if I am the only one who has doubts and fears and feelings of inadequacies? What if.....?

So, I retreat. I retreat into my books. I read and I read, escaping into another world. To escape the loneliness that I sometimes feel being me. Unique, but not necessarily in a good way. I retreat until I feel strong again. And then I write.

Lonely and vulnerable. That's me. That has been my life for a few days. I limited my contact with the outside world. 

My challenge today is to go out. To write, even though I don't feel strong enough. To engage, even though I am feeling especially vulnerable. To push through. To fight even when I am tired. To recognize that loneliness is a choice - a choice that I need to stop choosing. To reach out instead of drawing in.

Love and Blessings!
Bri

1 comment:

  1. I read your blog every post. It helps me and challenges me everytime. You are not the only one who feels the way you do just the only one strong enough to admit it and put it out there. Keep it up because it is helping others! Including myself.

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