Saturday, February 1, 2014

48 Saturdays

What happened to Thursday and Friday?

I would love to say that I won the lottery and that is why I didn't post Thursday and Friday. Even an alien abduction would be interesting. The truth is that I was being a big chicken.

Thursday's blog post began and I froze up. I hit the delete key and began again. Re-freeze. Delete. Begin again. On and on this went until I just stopped. I needed to figure out what was wrong. 

When I write, I let these posts just sort of flow out of me. I don't make an outline. I don't refer to things that I have already written. I simply sit down, pray for guidance and write. 

Thursday's post was putting me in a very vulnerable position. That left me feeling.....well, feeling raw. Feelings are something that I have always had rigid control over. I can come across as cold and emotionless to many people. It is a defense mechanism that I have always had. And while that is great when one is just trying to survive, it isn't beneficial to living a thriving life. 

As I was writing the post on Thursday, I felt as if I had been gutted open. At first, I argued that what I was writing was just too personal to share. So, I left it. I would write again on Friday. Friday came and I was faced with the same problem. I realized the problem I had was seeing it in front of me. All of it, in black and white, glaring at me. To see it, I had to feel it all over again. I had to feel. I couldn't hide from the emotion of it all. It had to be dealt with. And that is what I have been doing. This is where I've been.

Thursday's post has now become Monday's post. It is important I share it - because it is a part of me. When I began this blog, I stated that I would hold nothing back, no matter how difficult. It is part of my growing process. 

Love and Blessings!
Bri

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